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The Bartlett Bindings, often shortened to simply the 'Bindings', is the official school newspaper of Absolutely University.
This newspaper is the daily guide to the happenings in A.U, including the most gossiped about topics, rising couples, the best parties, birthday messages and reports carried out by the best journalists in A.U.. The official tagline for the newspaper is "If we don't have it, nobody cares!". The writers are told to stay true to this, as 'the public only really wants the cool stuff' according to head writer Gwen.
It is a student publication officially approved by A.U. authority. The writers are usually picked based upon their skills, and only the best ones get to write for the Bindings. As seen in the episodes, sometimes Gwen has a stand in Leicester Village where she sells the Bindings.
- Gwen Bartlett is the head of the newspaper and controls all of the articles put into the paper.
- Dexter Korrick is Gwen's assistant and vice head of the newspaper.
- Nina Tamphery is a formatting advisor and intern.
- Helena Corduroy is a lexicographer and intern.
- Sienna Melworth is an intern.
- Quinn Lawson mentions having the newspaper on 'speed-dial' and has a copy (the latest one of course) in her office at all times. It is possible that this means that the Bindings offers subscriptions, however it is possible that Quinn is specifically only given copies.
- Gwen often uses odd techniques to get people to buy the newspaper. These include shouting out in the corridors the headlines, throwing them at students and asking for payments, and even adding random columns and promoting them too much. An example of Gwen's speeches:
- "We've now reduced the Bartlett Bindings from one dollar to 99 cents! That's right, 99 cents for a newspaper! Best price you could get! Now you have a penny to spend on whatever you want! But that's not the best part. If you bought one-hundred copies of the Bindings, you would usually have to pay a hundred dollars. Now with the new and improved price, you only need to pay ninety-nine dollars! Then you have enough money to buy another copy of the Bindings and STILL have a penny left to spend on whatever you want!"